Harder, Faster, Stronger

Hello goodies.
Time goes so fast, rite? Then hows your day? Mine has totally disordered things that never been solve yet. Huffft... I'm trying to not complain, either grouching at all, but here i am, the grumbler one.

My days is been fulfilled by some random activities. Just like school stuffs, course, homeworks, study study study, and another little parts of mine. I've been dying by studying, being a Senior grade is never feels that easy. Some people have trying to enjoy it, but well.. we know that we've been being impressed too. The goals of us are keep flying on our head. Waiting to reach at the right time. Each grades have their own biggest challenge, so the senior high student has a various kind of exam as a challange, such a UAN, SIMAK, SNMPTN, and another university selection test. Those are needs to be throughed out by a maximal preparation meanwhile i'm taking look of myself, i've just got nothing instead. It's hard when you haven't found what you really have to do for your life, Or if you have found it, but at the same time, you found so many hesitate things that could block your way. It's hard.

Yeah guys, you know what? When you need to make something as your most priority, but another things keep haunting you, whatever it's your lovelife, your family, your friendship, your life, it's about anything that could make you so desperate and it's all really bothering your mind, no matter how simple people see it from their way, but only we ARE, that could really feel it how. This is so gay for trapped in a unnecessary thing like this, while our priority still stay there, untouched yet, and being forgotten instead. Hey, we need a motivation to push ourself, rite? But why seems those bad things keep staying at our life? We really wish we could ignore it, but so far we just getting tired of trying to ignore it.

Simply that we're not alone. Everybody could feel the same way like we are. We couldn't pretend like we never needs any supports from people. Nothing could make me stronger than just a little whisper of support. So what would you do if you feel that noone supports you? Still couldn't moved anywhere?

Review-ing what the things we've done. Might influence your life in the present and future. Is is still fair if we being dissapointed, but at the end we were blamed by the world? It's quite pathetic but that's the point.. Actually we just don't need to wasting time by thinking about unworthy things, but this is life. Heart and head tells lie. We are so dumb.

By the way, in these last 3 months, i have to get struggle harder to reach my goal. As simply as everybody, we wants to make our parents proud. We wants to get a good score. And we wants to get our dream university. I am the Social student, who've been abandoned what the things i should have done. Straight to the facts, i'm so terribly weak in Math, i just couldn't fix any numbers of math test. I am so dull-head of geography and sociology cause i've never been seriously get into it. I am literally blind of economy, especially accounting. I am a little poorly in two subjects of languange; english and indonesian. I have to repeat all those subjects in 3 years since i was a first grade. Ya, ya, ya, there's never get enough to describe it.. Just do it, anya. Do it.

Xxx

Today i'm crying so hard. I'm feeling so upset. I got another problem. It comes when i've done with the first one. Why do i have to get it? Why do everyone seems like they're stranger? I don't even know who's the one that i could honestly trust. I really2 sorry friends.

For the heart's sake i really want to reveal it all here. Entirely. But i don't know where to begin. I still can't end up crying. Geez, everybody will laugh at me soon, without knowing that what they all laugh at is doesn't mean funny at all!

God, did i do something wrong? Did i hurt someone's heart? Did i stab someone's back? Did i lie to everybody? Did i falsify something? Did i pretend myself? Did i hide something from them? Do i eat my own shitttt??!!??!!??

I never purposely wants to hurts someone. I might be wrong. But i never BEING SOMEONE ELSE. I NEVER HIDE SOMETHING ABOUT US. I found back him just like always the way of him. He NEVER been RIGHT in my eyes. From the past, till the present. The DIFFERENCE between it, is just, I CHANGED MY MIND. I was being so judgemental and blaming him of everything but NOW i'm trying to ACCEPT it eventhough he's still WRONG. I can't do anything else. I'm just a friend. So the farthest point i could do is just TELLING YOU THAT IT'S NOT RIGHT. But it never works to you. You're already choosen something, so take it well..

Then do i leave the ppl back of me? Do i leave my bestfriends? Do i leave them??? Except........ You, boy. I'm terribly sorry..

Let me explain what the reason behind this. See it ppl, i just simply feels comfort with him because we are sharing anything each other. Because i'm so glad he trust me to be someone who could keep his confession. Because we both are just a pair of friend. There's NO SPECIAL FEELING BETWEEN US. He still lives his private love life, with his own complicated feeling that i usually get freak into it -- bcs he often tells it to me.

But why do i have to be the middle of this circle? Who am i, actually? Your friend? Your manager? HAAAAH??? Now what do i get from it?

I get accusation. Ppl accused me for something i've never been THINK OF.
Maybe they're right. I had been leaving someone precious, that i didn't realize it before.
It hurts when you angry to me, boy. I am the wrong one. I'm so deeply sorry for it. I know it will be the hard one to forgiven. But I'll still waiting for it...........

And for you who thinks that you're knowing much of this, congratulations guys. You're suggestion is all wrong. Big wrong.

Birthday Girl

Shelter of Happiness

1. Peaceful at home.
2. Dad comes back to the town.
3. Highschool Memories.
4. I make someone laugh.
5. Knowing that someone loves me on my back.
6. Someone likes my creation.
7. Taking a photograph.
8. Everlasting boy-friends.
9. Someone strokes my head.
10. Hugging.
12. Mix-matching old outfit.
13. Found any single fun facts.
14. Trusted by someone for something.
15. Good hair day.
16. Joking and Laughing.
17. Birthday.
18. Chillin with friends at night.
19. Knowing that I'm being cared of someone.
20. Knowing that I'm being protected by someone.
21. Passed the test succesfully.
22. Rainy days.
23. Hot chocolate and novels.
24. Imagining something pleasing.
25. Reaching the so-long-time goal.
26. Praying to God while sincerely crying.
27. Drawing.
28. Got new packs of color marker/color pencil/crayon.
29. Designing something.
30. Doing determined thing then found that it was crazy.
31. My friends' room. Chatterbox.
32. Sleeping after done of something tiring.
33. Texting with crushes.
34. Smile to everyone.
35. Shopping, Shopping, Woman's needs.
36. Found a lyric of favourite song.
37. Doing Trip / Journey.
38. Mom's supporting.
39. Someone drive for me to the food stops.
40. Feeling confidence.
41. Learn something interesting.
42. "Last minutes help" by someone.
43. Seeing my Boyfriend sleeping.
44. Learning "english tenses". hey, it's cool
45. Watching a good movie.
46. Adoring & Being Adored.
47. Togetherness.
48. Graduation night.
49. Idul Fitri / Hari Raya.
50. Grateful of all the things i have in my life.

Hand Writing, Amateur Creature

This is what i made when my pen & pencil met the file paper.

*skip about that blogspot url. it was mine before changed into vanyaviranda.blogspot.com

You can see this

Oh good. I never pass on Math subject succesfully.
Geography? better to ask my teacher. You'll find out the answer.
And i turned to be so bad on Indonesian, it's not a big deal i guess.
Fyi, only 2 students who passed in this subject.

Sketch, again

The Proposal : Here comes the bribe...

Gue nonton film ini beberapa hari yang lalu. Awalnya gue ngga begitu minat buat nonton film ini soalnya dari posternya, ini film keliatan mature bgt dan pasti drama dewasa yg ngebosenin. Tapi setelah gue nonton... Wah boleh juga! Quite entertaining. Ga jauh2 dari romantis sih, so first of all.. The story began from here :

There is a woman named... Magareth Tate (Sandra Bullock), dia itu eksekutif editor-in-chief di penerbitan buku Colden Books. Dia itu terkenal sebagai bos yg judes, otoriter, ketus dll annoying deh. Sampe2 sangking judes dan tegesnya, dia baru aja mecat salah satu karyawannya karna suatu kesalahan. Someday, dia terancam dideportasi karena perpanjangan visanya ditolak imigrasi Amerika Serikat. Dan kalau misalnya dia bener2 harus dideportasi, yang gantiin posisi dia di perusahaan itu adalah Bob Spaulding (Aasif Mandvi), editor senior yang baru saja dia pecat tadi itu! Syarat supaya dia ga dideportasi, dia harus menikah dengan pria kebangsaan US.



Dan demi mempertahankan segala yg dia punya sekarang... Dia nekat ngaku bakal married sama sekretarisnya, Andrew Paxton (Ryan Reynolds). Fyi, Andrew itu seorang asisten/sekretaris yang setia bgt sama dia, sampe2 karyawan lain temen2 sekantor Andrew tuh heran kenapa dia bisa tahan bgt sama si bos Margareth. Fyi juga, Andrew tuh sebenernya udah lama ngincer posisinya Margaret, tapi usaha sama prestasi dia selalu terhalang sama si Margaret ini....

Keputusan Margareth ini udah pasti sepihak dan Andrew juga kaget dan bahkan ga setuju lah. Dia menolak mentah-mentah ide tersebut, tapi Margareth malah mengancam akan memecatnya. Liat deh scene di bawah ini, ini waktu si Andrew ngebales ke"nyolotan" Margaret yg dengan seenaknya bikin pengakuan palsu di kantor imigrasi..



Andrew minta beberapa permintaan sbg balesan kepada Margaret, termasuk meminta Margareth “melamarnya” sambil berlutut di pinggir jalan penuh orang lalu-lalang gitu kaya diatas.

Tahap selanjutnya untuk melaksanakan perkawinan itu, Andrew ngajak Margaret untuk kenal sama keluarganya di Sitka, Alaska, tempat tinggal Andrew. Di sana, mereka berlibur selama beberapa hari untuk merayakan ulang tahun Gammy (Betty White), nenek Andrew, sekaligus sebagai moment mengumumkan rencana pernikahan mereka.



Sebenernya. Di Sitka itu sendiri keluarga Paxton (keluarganya Andrew) merupakan keluarga terpandang, punya banyak usaha bisnis dimana-mana. tapi Andrew memutuskan kerja di Perusahaan Penerbitan dan ga mau nerusin bisnis keluarganya. Hal inilah yang sering bikin Andrew sama sang Bokap cekcok terus. Satu-satunya yang menyadari ada kejanggalan dari ini semua cuma beliau. Ia mencari tahu asal-usul Margareth dan membuat rencana pernikahan mereka nyaris berantakan...

One slip moment, - Si cewe judes kaya Margaret aja akhirnya dapet moral value yang udah lama ga dia dapet yaitu kasih sayang dari keluarga Andrew. Dia yang tadinya nekat mau ngelakuin pernikahan kontrak sama Andrew sampe merasa bersalah sendiri gara2 dia diperlakukan begitu baik sama keluarga Andrew. Lucunya dia jadi ga tega buat ngelanjutin niat-nya ini... Apa yang dia lakukan? Buat yang belom nonton, tonton sendiri yaa! :P